“Woke up this morning feeling fine”

“Woke up this morning feeling fine”

Woke up this morning and stood on my hair getting out of bed.

Time for a number four, all over , I thought.

So after a number one, a number two and some wheaty bangs I headed off to Queeny barbers for a number four (down t’wood).

My car tyres have been playing up over the last few days – loosing air pressure.

I had these tyres put on, special like, winter ones, back in October when I had to ferry the wife to and from Leeds following a big foot operation. 

It’s 11 inches now.

“Seals were leaking – that’s 49 squid Mr. Charles Brown told me.

(God knows what Charlie Brown knows about sea life.)

Anyway £49 lighter we headed off to Huddersfield Hospital to visit poorly relatives.

Halifax people can’t seem to get the right illness for treatment at the Halifax Hospital.

My little sister has had a serious operation to try and get rid of the nasty ‘c’ word from her.

She looked good to-day.

Mr 93 year-old Father-In-Law (F-I-L)( lets call him Phil to keep thing clear) is in the same place but for a completely different reason.

A few months ago he broke his wrist. Ignoring advice to stay put while his daughter fetched him a cup of tea he decided to go head over heels, base over apex or arse over Long Tailed and break his wrist – that was a few months ago.

Last week he decided he was unstable (on his feet) and that he would like a three wheeled Gizmo with brakes and a little compartment to put his shopping in to help him stroll. So his daughter took him to Hebden Bridge and bought him one – he was over the moon.

(No he had not just put his pants back on).

The other residents, where he resides, were well impressed with the Gizmo and some of them went to HB to get a Gizmo also.

A few days later Phil nagged, sorry, spoke at length towards the ear of, a social worker, asking to join some activity centre. The social worker duly took him to mingle with some older people.

Noticing the Table Tennis table Phil decided to have a bloody game of Ping Pong – yes this is Phil of the new Gizmo who cannot walk unaided.

(The bloody here is not a swear word – the bo****ks later on is).

Next news Phil is on the deck with a broken thumb, broken hip and a sore head and so here we are at Huddersfield Hospital.

Sorry about the rant!

BIRDS.

A very fitting  report from the Raggalds Flood this evening.

Just had time for a walk up there – if FLOOD means full the we are at FL  at the moment.

The FL was almost deserted just a single Mallard overhead and a Pied Wagtail knocking about. Also a family of newly fledged Great Tits were feeding in the trees opposite.

Time for a beer ….

Oh: a Joke – you’ll have heard it before but I like it.

Two cannibals eating a comedian.

First Cannibal: “ Does this taste funny to you”.